Eternal Gratitude

The holidays can be a very difficult and stressful time for chronic illness sufferers. Many of us will find ourselves sitting around a table full of feasts, blessed with an understanding family and cherished friends. Still, some of us are not as fortunate. Many patients struggle to get through the holiday festivities while enduring intense physical pain and only partial or no understanding about our illness from our friends and family. Getting through the holidays with a smile on our faces can be hard, and it is a daily struggle for so many.

Any time you are faced with a chronic illness, your thoughts can be overwhelming. Lyme disease, for example, can be a mean beast to deal with, but try to look at it as an obstacle, one you can overcome, and make you stronger. This may sound crazy to some of you, but to me, Lyme disease has been a gift. Yes, I said a gift. Struggling with Lyme disease has brought me clarity and an intense appreciation for all the simple things around me. I am blessed with wonderful friends, many of whom I would never have met if I were never a part of the Lyme disease community.

Where would we be without our "Lymie" friends, our support groups, our families, and our LLMD's? For many of us that answer is easy. We would be dead. For others, the answer isn't much further off. We would likely be suffering, wheelchair bound, permanently disabled or worse. Many of us would have no quality of life. We have lost our jobs, our friends, our hobbies, and for some of us, our marriages and families. Untreated Lyme can cause a chain reaction of disaster. It destroys lives! It's a frightening thought, and images pop into my mind as I imagine what my life would have been like if I had never found my LLMD, and all my friends with Lyme disease. Who would I be? My identity gone, what would I have become?

It often takes tragedy to wake us up, to make us reevaluate our lives and appreciate what we have. The reason for this is that when tragedy strikes, everything becomes instantaneously prioritized. You suddenly realize what matters most and what you truly care about. Anything that is not essential seems so meaningless.

When things are going well, it can be easy to overlook the blessings in our lives. We can take for granted our health and the relationships we share with others. When you don't have your health, worrying about paying the bills, auto repairs, dripping faucets or being stuck in traffic just does not matter.

Ten years ago, my rapidly declining health took a huge mental and emotional toll on me. Overwhelmed with the limitations untreated Lyme disease had put on my body, mind and spirit, I went on a mission to seek out other people in the same situation. My thoughts were full of fear and I felt lost in a sea of emotional depression. The isolation that chronic illness can bring on can be a drastic change from an ordinarily full and busy life. When we are feeling well, we all too often underestimate the power of a touch, a thoughtful word, a sweet smile, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

I was lucky. I quickly found other Lyme patients, many misdiagnosed and untreated for years. Friendships quickly formed though virtual hugs, and online support groups. I am so grateful to the wonderful strangers who quickly became trusted friends. The level of patience and understanding I encountered was a bittersweet parallel to my own life. Too sick and disabled to meet in person, emails and chats were exchanged between desperately ill patients across states and countries. I am eternally grateful for all of my wondrous meetings with random people suffering the same as I was. Their gifts of love and encouragement ripple out upon the spiritual waters of the earth and strengthen the bond of our shared humanity.

Sharing your story with others can be instrumental to recovery. When you are doing this, don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect; it is this fragile thread that binds us to each other. After sharing my story with others, I felt relieved. I no longer had to tell the exhausting story, it was all there, in words, and all people had to do was read. It can be very reassuring to talk to others who are going through the same situation. One of the first comments I usually get after somebody reads my story, is "Wow, thank God you found your Lyme doctor."

I was one of the lucky ones. I did find an excellent Lyme doctor, and I can say with a high degree of certainty that he saved my life. If he had not taken care of me there is no doubt I would not be alive today. I cannot express in words the depth of my gratitude. The Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) who saved me is brilliant, dedicated, friendly, loyal, determined, loving, and very funny. He has saved the lives of thousands of desperately ill men and women who suffer with Lyme disease. I owe him so much! I vowed to give back to the Lyme community as much support as I can for the rest of my life.

I wondered silently if others felt the same way. I asked around to other Lyme patients where they thought they would be without their LLMD. Feelings of panic, dread and misunderstanding can vanish instantly after you have a consultation with a good LLMD. The stress of being untreated and misdiagnosed for years can cause a certain sense of impending doom.

There is a high degree of distrust in the medical community and within families. Most of those feelings vanish once you have a visit with your LLMD. For most, it is a phenomenal experience. After years of struggle and heartache, we finally feel like we have an accurate diagnosis and we are on our road to recovery. This entire experience is usually informative, insightful, and full of hope.

After feeling such a tremendous relief, how do we say thank you to our LLMD's? Most LLMD's respond kindly, yet shyly, to constantly hearing the words "thank you." Overwhelmed with gratitude, we bring them apple pies, and they respond by saying "I'm just doing my job." Regardless, these are still our heroes, and still our guardian angels. Most LLMD's are the most people oriented medical professionals we will ever meet. Most doctors who treat Lyme patients have battled Lyme disease themselves. Because of their first hand experience, their treatment philosophy, sincere honesty, and heartfelt concern are incredibly unique and greatly appreciated.

Expressing gratitude is a very powerful expression of human nature. Telling someone you are grateful for them in your life, for what they have done, for who they are is an extremely powerful expression of love. Telling a stranger who has done something for you, whether it is directions, good service, a simply a smile. You are grateful for those gifts, and they have given you a basic human need, connection to others. Spread the energy of gratitude. Send them an email or letter of appreciation for who they are as a person, what they stand for, or for what they have accomplished.

Each and every day we are blessed with so much life. Every morning is a fresh start, and the day ahead is what we make of it, sick or not. Each day, every single one of us has something to be grateful for. Sometimes these things are big, such as getting a fabulous job offer; sometimes they are small, such as the fact that the baby slept through the night. The more we focus on what we have to be grateful for in our lives, the easier it will be to deal with the challenges and obstacles that we face.

You may have a chronic illness, you may be limited and disabled, but you are alive. Never underestimate the power and the privilege to simply, live, breathe…and feel things in your heart. Try to find comfort and solace in the simple things. Remember you are on a quest of deep spiritual knowledge, you are grateful for abundance. This can be as simple as being grateful that you still have all 5 senses. You can see people smile, and listen to the roar of laughter as you hear another silly Lyme joke. You can feel the keyboard beneath your fingertips as you reach out to an online support group. You can smell breakfast cooking and taste the delicious pancakes sitting before you, even if you feel terrible.

If you are struggling with simple daily activities, you can start keeping a journal. The journal can be your friend, and you can write in it daily, weekly, or monthly about what you are grateful for, and the circumstances that created the gratitude. This becomes a story and record of your feelings and warm experiences of what you have given, and also what you have received.

Journaling can be good therapeutic energy to add to the sometimes chaotic rhythm of our daily lives. It can be a source of soft reflection and bring some sunshine into your life. If you are religious, you can thank God for every new day, and I know the only bad day is the day you don't wake up. Remember that most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by the people who kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

Of all the precious things in life which I am grateful for, most of all, I am grateful to be alive. Reflecting back on my life thus far there are some standout moments. I just love life so much, and I have such an intense passion just be here to experience it. The best moments for me are the ones I have experienced after I have been pulled out from the darkness. These are the moments when the sunlight shines through the clouds and lights up the world. Life seems renewed, full of hope, and shining with opportunity.

Enjoy the holidays, even if you take a quiet moment by yourself for reflection. As you sit by yourself, you can chose to think about your chronic illness in two ways. You can allow yourself to be negative, and overwhelmed with sadness, grief and pain. Or, you can know in your heart that your illness is an enriching, enlightening, life changing experience. You can gain strength through weakness, and grow stronger the more obstacles you overcome.

Remember this, you are not alone, and you can get better. Be eternally grateful for all that you have!